Advice

"How Can I Improve..."

Response By: Ronnie Nijmeh, ACQYR.com

An ACQYR Reader asked: "How can I become a better person?"

To be the best son, daughter, father, mother, spouse, manager, or employee, you need to first and foremost treat others how you want to be treated. It's very simple, isn't it?

But sometimes what's so simple is also so hard to do. For example, do you like it when others get angry or annoyed at you? Then strive to be more patient with them. But patience can be so difficult!

A few key factors for overall self-improvement:

Self-Evaluation & Reflection

Patience

Communication

Appreciation & Gratitude

Self-Evaluation & Reflection

Reflecting on your behavior helps you see where you can improve. While lying in bed, think about how you handled any situations that you experienced during that day. We discussed self-evaluation more in depth in the ACQYR Advice response to "How Can I Identify My Strengths?"

Patience

Being patient can be very difficult especially when the frustrating force is out of your control. If you aren't able to change something that's out of your control, try to take a deep breathe to calm yourself down. Your body should slowly ease itself. Another trick I've picked up on is to genuinely smile. I've always found it difficult to be angry or impatient when I'm smiling! One last recommendation is to try to make small improvements and reach "mini-goals" in improving your patience. These mini-goals will help you see your progress. Over time, these minor goal achievements add up to become a larger accomplishment.

Communication

I'd say communication (both listening and speaking) is the most important skill you'll need for self-improvement. With sharp communication skills you'll be able to build trust and rapport and, in turn, respect. I'd recommend taking a look at "3 Tips for Improving your Communications" for improving your communication skills and "Build Rapport Through Buzzwords" for listening.

Appreciation & Gratitude

Showing your appreciation is almost always overlooked. People often say "they know I appreciate them, why do I need to tell them that!" But often it's not quite understood until they hear it from you. Not only should you show gratitude for those around you, but you should also appreciate what you have because, as they always say, there's always someone worse off than you. I'd encourage you to read: "The Timing and Importance of Gratitude."

Examples of How to Improve

If you're having a tough time being understanding or open with a family member or co-worker, maybe spending some time together at dinner or some sort of activity (such as a game or sport) may help you get to know one another in a less stressful environment and slowly, but surely you'll begin building a bond with them. This will help you improve your interpersonal and communication skills.

If you don't like cooking or cleaning, chances are, your spouse or family doesn't either. So try to ease the burden by sharing the task or taking the initiative. This will help gain the respect of others as it shows that you're considerate and willing to help.

The same applies at work. You may not like to take notes during meetings or help a co-worker write their report, but your co-workers and manager would appreciate it you pitched in and helped out in any way you could.

To Put it Simply...

...You have to be willing to:

Learn and Teach

Grow and Foster Growth

Be Heard and Listen

Sacrifice and Accept Sacrifices

Love and be Loved

The list covers both sides of each situation.

Not only do you need to personally learn, grow, be heard, sacrifice and love, but you have to be willing to help others by teaching, fostering growth, listening to others, accepting their sacrifices, and being open to be loved.

If you're able to do these things, you'll not only improve yourself, but improve your relationships with just about anyone: your boss, co-worker, family, or friends.

Best of luck and keep me updated on your progress!

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Published: February 27, 2004