Go over to your bookcase and count the self-help, business and how-to books you’ve bought.

Now add in all the audio tapes and CDs you own, plus the seminars you’ve attended.

Next, go back through and count only those books, tapes and CDs that you’ve completely read or listened to, all the way through. If it was something you didn’t finish, don’t include it.

Finally, out of all that information, estimate how much of it you’ve actually put into action. Counting all the business and personal self-help stuff you’ve poured into your brain, what percentage are you actively using?

How would you like to start closing that performance gap, and do it without the turmoil of a traumatic personality makeover?

If so, here’s the most painless way to begin changing things in yourself. Of course it’s not instant; it’s no magic bullet. But it is a psychologically sound way to retrain yourself, a step at a time, painlessly and steadily.

It’ll take some patience and follow-through. But it’s not jarring or traumatic, which means you’ll find it fairly easy to stick with until results automatically start showing up in your life.

Personal change without struggle… what a concept.

Principle 1. You Can’t Pull Water.

Human behavior always springs from the thoughts running through the mind. And thoughts, like water, are fluid and fairly easily directed — but only if you do it the right way.

Here’s how: you prepare a new course by digging a long ditch where you want the river to go. Then the water just naturally follows the new course. It has to; that’s its nature.

Principle 2. Salt Your Mind.

You can lead a horse to water, they say, but you can’t make him drink.

If you understand horses, however, you’ll know that sprinkling salt in the oats will make the horse thirsty and get him to drink eagerly.

That’s what you’re going to do with our own mind: set up conditions that bring out the desired behavior, easily and without conflict.

Principle 3. Most Behavior is Default Behavior.

Our everyday actions, small and large, are guided by what feels “natural” or familiar.

In other words, the foods we eat, the movies we watch and music we listen to — all of these — are predictable. Our actions consistently conform to inner guidelines that tell us what behavior is appropriate for us, what feels comfortable, what is “right” or “wrong” for us.

Principle 4. Practice Makes Permanent.

You’ve heard the old phrase — practice makes perfect. Well, baloney. We’ve seen golfers who practice for years and never become perfect golfers. Why? Because they’re practicing the wrong stuff.

The greatest pro golfers know this, so they hire top notch coaches to help them. These coaches are skilled at identifying poor moves, weak habits, technique that are less than perfect, and replacing the imperfect move with something better.

Okay, so let’s change some things… let’s change you.

When you want to change the path of a river, you don’t work on the water. You work on the path the water follows. And we’re going to do the same thing with your thinking.

Do This…

STEP 1. Write down one thing you want to change.

Yes, just one thing — it’s called focus. What do you want to change? Your weight? Or procrastination? Or a fear of selling? Whatever it is, write it down.

Now, understand: you won’t do anything about the unwanted behavior. You’re not going to try curbing it, nor regulating it, nor suppressing it in any way.

That would be like trying to pull water.

Instead, you’re going to start digging a new trench for the water of your thoughts to flow through. Once that new trench is deep enough and wide enough, your thoughts will just naturally follow the new path.

For our example, let’s say that you are often pushed around by other people, and now you want to start asserting yourself.

STEP 2. Think of a typical situation where you’re taken advantage of, or insulted.

Now write a brief description of one way you could behave differently in that situation.

If you can’t imagine yourself having the confidence to behave differently, think of someone you admire who could do it. Run this scene through your mind, watch what they do, then repeat the scene with yourself doing what they did.

The first couple of times you attempt this, it’ll feel uncomfortable or even unnatural. That’s okay. You don’t dig a new path for a river with a single scoop of your shovel. Just do it again. And again.

STEP 3. Now think of ten more situations that bother you.

Come up with new, more desirable actions for each of those ten. Write them down in your list.

STEP 4. Write out ten more variations. Then ten more after that.

Life is variable. Nothing ever happens exactly the same way twice, so you’re preparing your mind with lots and lots of backup variations to draw upon. Eventually, you’ll have filled your mind with rich new mental possibilities, and your actions will start following these new patterns of thought.

As we have seen, the thoughts that run through your mind are the water in your river.

But the boats that travel the river — the boats are your actions — and they simply follow where the water flows. To control your boats (your actions), control where the water of your thoughts flows.

First the river bed (habitual thoughts), then the river (your day-to-day thinking), and finally the boats (your actions).

You don’t change habitual actions by struggling to master the actions. Instead, you build a new river path. And the boats — your daily habitual actions — can only follow your thoughts, like a boat follows the river, easily and without struggle.